the end

it was brought to my attention today that i need to be careful what i put on my blog, because i never know who might be reading this.  well...my whole purpose for doing this to begin with would be so i would not feel like i had to censor my thoughts no matter how lame, stupid, or personal they may be.  so with that said....i will just put an end to this blog.  for people who apparently don't really know me, they may take things in this blog out of context and there is no point in that.  i've enjoyed the ride while it lasted and appreciated the feedback i got from so many people.

signing off,

melissa

fire ants, PTSD, and red hot dogs.

it's been a while since i wrote that lame blog.  and by been a while i mean in my typical blogging timeline.  couple of random thoughts....

fire ants are very small creatures that can do a lot of damage.  i don't like not being able to sleep at night because my feet are itching and i can't resist the urge to scratch them.  (side note:  i used to always get the words itch and scratch mixed up, and maybe still do if i don't think about it before i say it.  i used to ask people to itch my back.  nobody has ever confused me with einstein.)  need to google how to get rid of fire ant bites real soon while i still have skin left on my feet.

it was great to hear today in my class that even my professor thinks these classes can be a bit much on the human psyche.  that was all i needed to hear, so that i knew at least one other person was feeling what i was feeling.  the thing that makes it worse for me is that after sitting in 3 classes like that i get to drive back to raleigh and have plenty of time to reflect on things like PTSD and the affects it has on the brain and is there a way to reverse what damage has already been done, or the 16 year old who has already slept with 80 people and sold herself for drugs and her reality of normalcy from today and for the rest of her life.  hours of discussions like that need to be ended with a round of beers and everyone not thinking about it at all.  but that's not possible for me because i have to drive back to raleigh.  just relieved to know others feel the burden of those conversations and the impact they can have on someone, even the professor who is also a therapist with years of experience.  that helps ease my anxiety over it.

cowboy boot time is getting near.  the weather is getting closer and closer to a comfortable temp. for wearing cowboy boots.  yes sir!  and also this weather makes me want to go to a very scary haunted house and drink hot chocolate and then go cuddle with a cute boy.

i don't have a favorite season.  i like them all and anticipate the arrival of each new season.  i do have a favorite holiday though.  least favorite is new year's.  too much build up for no reason.  i can do that all by myself every day of my life.  no fun to build something up only to always be let down.  nothing happens at 12 except the second hand moves on the clock.  next least favorite is valentine's day...for every reason you've ever heard someone say why they don't like it.  favorite holiday would be christmas for so many reasons, and then thanksgiving for so many reasons that are along the same lines of christmas, and then july 4th.  july 4th is one of the most underrated holidays there is.  i like the camaraderie that i feel everyone else is feeling.  good day to serve as a reminder of what great things we do have.  plus red hot dogs and the beach and fireworks.  three very awesome things.

that's enough for now....need to go watch Oprah.

not the coolest 5th grader

i was sitting beside someone on the bus the other day when i was leaving duke and they had a magazine with hulk hogan's family on the front.  my first thought was they were looking at a wrestling magazine and it reminded me that i used to read those.  and i used to collect wrestling cards.  i remember exchanging cards with one of the boys in my 5th grade class.  apparently i was a total loser.  which then reminded me that i used to be totally obsessed with bookbags.  i was always coming home with a new bookbag that i had traded with someone in school.  how weird.  

on the subject matter of wrestling....the younger grandchildren (T$, me, pj, and bennett) all wanted to watch wresting during sunday lunch at grandma's.  the older grandchildren all made fun of us for watching wrestling.  so there was always a race to the remote control to see who got to determine what we watched that day.  

on thursday i saw 3 different people that started crying as soon as i walked into the room to talk to them.  i think it was the weather that made everyone feel a little bit worse that day.  the following day i was looking for my keys so i could leave to go to duke.  i found them still in the door.  i had my door locked from the inside with the chain pulled, but i had left my keys in the door.  i'm an idiot.

i understand if you cry reading this blog....it is pretty terrible.

o holy night

that's my favorite christmas song.  last night before bed i was daydreaming about decorating my christmas tree and apartment.  i think the weather made me think of it.  i absolutely love decorating my christmas tree and the two christmas trees at my parents house.  put on some christmas tunes, make some hot chocolate, and start the decorating.  

this year i will find a way to get electricity to the outside of my apartment so that i can decorate the outside.  when i get older and have my own house that i own, i will be the house in the neighborhood that people drive out of their way to look at its decorations.  not tacky decorations...beautiful.  

the ladies in my family are usually the first people to have their christmas decorations up.  the only reason i don't put them up sooner is because i don't want people talking about me too much.  after i put up all the decorations...i'll probably just sit on the couch for hours and admire it.

tradition at my house is that my sister, mom and myself go out to find the live christmas tree we are going to get while dad sits at home wondering why he hasn't learned the lesson just to go with us, so we don't pick out a christmas tree twice the size of  what we need.  dad always reminds us our ceilings are 8 ft. and they've always been 8 feet.  he doesn't understand why we come back with trees that are obviously too tall for 8 ft. ceilings.  he complains and complains some more until he sees the final project and then he always talks about how pretty it is and how good of a job we (really mom) did with the tree.  christmas wouldn't be the same if he didn't give us a spill about the ceilings in our house.

at this moment i could shed tears of joy and get giddy just thinking about decorating for christmas.  

dashing through the snow....

flat tire, need husband

i got in my car to go to wilson on sunday morning, and got about a block away and heard a noise. i pulled my car over and saw that i had a flat tire.  my first one ever.  i drove back to my house and parked the car and called my dad (didn't really have a voice, so he only heard every other word kinda sorta).

my sister and i had to be in wilson by 12, so she had to drive us.  she was nice enough to let me have her car for a few days while i'm in greenville.  she's even nicer for her willingness to wait an hour for the AAA guy to come.  and even more nicer than that because she took my car to the car shop to get the old tire fixed.  real good sister i have.

what i learned from all of this is .....i need a husband.  i need him for times when my tire goes flat and he'll know how to change it and all i will have to do is tell him it's flat and keep his beer full as he is changing it.  also, he could be very useful at killing bugs and loosening up lids that are too tight for me to open.  i fully support all gender roles that have been thrown onto me as a woman.  i squeal when i see a bug and then give myself a pep talk about killing it.  sometimes the pep talk works and sometimes it doesn't.  

i'll be willing to cut the grass as long as he does the yard work that involves potentially living places for creatures.  i don't do creatures.  and if a snake is ever found in the yard, the house will be put on the market that afternoon.

in conclusion, i need a husband most importantly for taking care of the manly stuff around the house.  my dad shouldn't have to drive to raleigh every time i need something (he already saved me one time in greenville) and my girlfriends shouldn't have to lend me their significant others in my time of need.  i learned this lesson in greenville once, and i was reminded of it again on sunday.  must look for husband quickly!  if we happen to love one another that will be a plus, but really at this point...having some one to take care of things like changing tires might be more important.

sexy man voice and blogging

today i had the experience of kinda sorta knowing what it would be like if you couldn't talk.  basically it would suck!  while having dinner with my parents i tried so many times to say something and nothing would come out.  and when i was able to talk...it sounded so terribly raspy.  

that's what happens when you do your part as a fan at a football game.  i literally woke up this morning and really felt like i should go join the football team on whatever it is they do after games so they aren't sore.  i thought for sure i was going to have some kind of bruising all over my arms and back because they were so sore.

on the way to the game yesterday i told my parents we would win.  and we did.  really was a great game to watch.  i was just thrilled that a) we were able to do the first down chant at least once during the game and b) we were able to celebrate a touchdown.  turns out we were also able to celebrate a victory and watch lines of ecu fans file out of the stadium sad and claim "it's just a game anyway".  yea okay buddy, whatever you say.

i enjoyed seeing ecu fans wearing t-shirts they had made that said "you came in ranked, but you left spanked"  after their victories over wv and vt.  might want to hold off a little on wearing that shirt next time.  i asked one person how that saying on his shirt felt.  my apologies mom, she would not be proud that i did that.  my sister would though. (spell check says ecu is not a word, so i tried ezu just in case)  no more talk of that game, and actually i wouldn't be able to talk about it anyways since i have no voice.

except for this one last thought that has more to do with me and a little to do with the game.  i was surprised at how many people thought i would struggle with who to pull for in this game.  i can honestly say the thought never crossed my mind.  i'm absolute wolfpack to the core.  that's my only team i'd be sore for the next day.  unless bennett was playing a game.

just this weekend i have been told my blog made someone cry, made someone depressed, made others laugh, and my blog has been discussed at the dinner table.  so i shall keep on keeping on...mainly just to make people really depressed.

my apologies to rob who took offense to me talking about people who have weddings during football season on my blog.  had a great time at your wedding if that makes you feel any better.

and people said i needed to add pictures...so here ya go....(for whatever reason the picture goes to the top, so you've already seen it)

red and white from state

the quickest way to become unproductive is to search nc state football on youtube.  easily just killed an hour watching stuff about state football.  some of the best moments in my life are being in carter-finley celebrating after a touchdown with my family and friends.  maybe it's because those moments are more rare than i would like them to be.

also, i really enjoy having a good defense as opposed to a flashy offense.  having a good defense allows the fans to really get into the game and scream and yell and get massive headaches because we are losing too much oxygen. 

i love that it is that time of the year where on sunday, monday, and tuesday i will sound like a man because i've lost my voice.

we were at a wedding for the first home game.  it should also be a law that no weddings be allowed during football season (unless you are jimmie and priscilla and have God on your side and your wedding date just so happened to fall on the bye week).  this weekend will be our first game we get to attend this year...i wasn't really pumped, just because i have so much going on this weekend.  i'm now officially pumped.  being an nc state alum and fan is one of the greatest decisions i've made in my life.  it builds character.

GO STATE!

i also relived the marist game in reynolds on youtube.  everything about that was pure craziness.